Friday, October 22, 2010

What I Want. What I Need

Tonight I have just returned from sharing an extended version of my testimony at Birth Choice in Temecula, Ca. The folks there did a wonderful job on this event. It was such a privilege to be part of something that you are pretty sure made our Creator smile.

As I was asking the Lord what to share tonight, God reminded me that when I was a college freshman I was searching for what I wanted, but God was looking to give me not only what I wanted but also what I needed. What I was searching for was peace in my life. It had been 9 months since the abortion. I was certain I had done something horrible. I just didn’t know how to fix it. I began to stumble under the weight of sin. The burden of my actions was growing heavier with every cry of infant that reached my ears. I was not at peace with what I had done. I was not a peace with myself.

I didn’t know Jesus at the time, so I knew little about the concept of grace (i.e., God’s unmerited favor). I had no clue that the path towards peace would take me over a bridge of grace that was built from the wood of the cross. It took a while for me to get it, but when I did, I had to have it. After weeks of reading the Bible and asking questions, I realized that I could not have peace in my life unless I first received God’s grace in my life.

My conclusion then was simple: I needed Jesus. In May of 1985, I prayed a very simple prayer, “Jesus if you are real, here’s my life.” Not really a prayer of great confidence. It was sort of like a prayer with an escape hatch. When I prayed that day, I wasn’t sure if God was real or not. I was, however, very sincere. I knew I had done something horrible. I knew I couldn’t fix it without help. If God was real, I wanted peace and I needed grace. “Jesus if you are real, here’s my life.”

It wasn’t too many days later that I read 1 Corinthians 1:3-4 (GNT) that says, “May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace. I always give thanks to my God for you because of the grace he has given you through Christ Jesus.” There is was…the cliff notes that described my life’s transformation. I wanted peace but didn’t know how to get it. I needed grace but was clueless as to why. I found Jesus who provided them both.

Today, I am the pastor of one of God’s churches. I don’t pray “God if you are real” prayers anymore. I know He is. I don’t wonder anymore how to experience grace and peace anymore either. God is always there to help. My hope us that you would consider the grace and peace that is offered through Jesus Christ.

May His grace and peace be yours today!


  1. I love that you shared your story. Often hearing someone share their sin makes another feel safe to share theirs. Those hearing need to know nothing is so big that God's grace can't cover :-)

    Love that I am under your teaching !

  2. Chico - God works in mysterious ways. I am so glad that He is working through you, as your willingness to share your story will touch so many lives and bring them to HIM. I'm thankful that He has brough us back together after so many years, as well. All part of His plan that I can now share in your teachings!

  3. this is an amazing story! I am astonished all the time at how God works in our hearts and lives and how he answers prayers and at just the simple fact that he find that I am worth loving =)